My Crazy

I like to think I have a decent amount of friends for someone with my type of life situation (kids, husband, works from home). Sometimes though I feel utterly alone with no one to talk to. In those times, I unload a ton of information on someone that I barely know. This is my worst fear come to life.

I have been self aware and self conscious since I was very young. Most people  confuse my self deprecation as a ploy to get compliments. This common misconception is entirely valid considering how I portray myself to the majority of society. I act as though I am confident and outgoing when in reality most social situations fill me with anxiety and I always doubt my abilities.

I care what others think, but act as though I do not. Why? Because there is a thin line between caring enough and caring too much. The truth is I'm probably one that cares too much. I have been diversifying my personality and my life since elementary school, so as to not be too far on any one side or characteristic.

The only upside to this type of behavior is that I can connect with anyone about something. The downside is in every situation I am constantly running over am I being too talkative, too quiet, too enthusiastic, too dry, too self-centered, too closed off? This is my mind everyday pretty much all day.